Yet another of life's profundities...

It was ugly, and I simply had to do something about it. There it sat on my kitchen window sill, completely out of control and out of nature's plan for its intended beauty.

This little coleus plant started out pretty enough, and should have been a bright addition to my backyard view from my kitchen. I had placed it in an old, funky frog planter of my mom's - one with no drain holes and very little space for soil - but cute. My little plant buddy grew and grew...but something began to go horribly wrong. It eventually was growing up by leaps and bounds. It began going its own way, ignoring all the rules of plant-dom. So now here it was, this long, spindly, leafless growth with withered leaves at the very top. Sigh...

I took it down off the window sill to make room for another plant, and it was then that I made the decision to do the dastardly deed. It was a horrible thought, but somebody had to do it. With great determination, and with what appeared to be no compassion at all, I did it. I pinched it off, right down almost to the top of the soil. It was at that point that I noticed them.

There they were...spreading out from the point of the amputation...a little cluster of green, healthy leaves...new growth. In that moment, my spirit was rocked with the truth I had just witnessed. Doesn't this take me back to the "vine" analogy I had been considering a few posts ago? Of course...yes...as we release ourselves to Christ's care, as we are growing in the "vine," there are times when Christ can see things that are blocking our progress. At those times, what could appear to be a severe "lopping off" occurs, ridding us of the ugly nuisance. But wait...what is that we see...is that new growth?

Easter people...

I liked today's sermon at church. We are "Easter people living in a Good Friday world." The entire sermon can be heard by checking out the church website - www.newbergfriendschurch.org.

Anyway, my mind seemed to center on one portion of the message. This is, indeed, a Good Friday world. While there is much joy and beauty to be had here it also is, without question, a place of frustration, doubt, pain, tragedy, loneliness, brokenness...the list could go on and on. Are we spared from the reality of this world simply because we believe in Christ and have become one of his children? Many leaders in the "evangelical" Christian world would want us to believe that. But no...we are in this world, and bad stuff happens...even to us. However, Christ has promised to walk with us through this journey here, and we have true hope in the eternal life of beauty and peace that he has prepared for us.

All that to say...sitting in my pew this morning, I couldn't help but compare the pastor's words to experiences in my life. Just a very few years ago I was in a place of complete desolation due to life circumstances. I was engulfed by grief, despair, confusion...and found myself in a downward spiral. I must confess that at that time I wasn't listening well for Christ's voice. I was completely shattered, and didn't have the heart to care much. The Good Friday world had come to roost in my spirit.

In the sermon, however, Gregg went on to describe Mary's grief as she had just lost her Lord to a horrific death on the cross. She too was consumed...perhaps in some ways similar to my situation. She stumbled to the tomb to grieve her loss...she even eventually saw Christ standing in front of her...but in the midst of her pain she couldn't recognize him. It wasn't until he spoke her name..."Mary"...that she finally saw him.

I find myself picturing Christ during my life situation described above. I can envision him sitting patiently nearby, lovingly and somewhat painfully watching me struggle, unable to get a word in edgewise. However, I can also imagine a time when my pain began to ebb - when I slowed my "flailing in the water" long enough to hear him speak my name - "Denise". He was there all the time.

Happy birthday, Grandma...

Today is the day. My grandma Gregory's birthday. And while she has been gone from this place for many years, for some reason her birthday has been on my mind over the past couple of days. I got in the car with Beth yesterday and announced that tomorrow (today) would be Grandma's birthday. "Happy birthday, Grandma," I spoke aloud, almost forcefully. Suddenly, without warning, my spirit choked. My grief surfaced with the knowledge of how I miss her.

Grandma was a pretty cool lady. I wish I had realized more of that while she was alive. From this point of view, on this day, I can look at her from the perspective of her entire life. And it's a pretty amazing tale...

There is a lot I don't know about Grandma's life. And while that fact bothers me, I must respect her right to keep parts of her story private. I do know that my momma was her only child. She had a pretty tumultuous young adulthood, but somewhere along the line she came to grips with the need to make a decision about Christ. She firmly (and forever) chose Christ.

Grandma endured unbelievable pain and trauma in her lifetime, yet she clung closely to Christ. I believe she found a security there that this earthly life couldn't provide. What a testimony.

There are so many other stories I could relate, but won't...

But...did I mention the time when I was in about 4th grade when I won tickets to a circus...and Grandma went with me?

Did I mention that she had a new groundbreaking surgery in 1962 to repair a hole in her heart, thus resulting in being written up in medical journals?

Did I mention that she was amazingly gifted at playing the piano, and that she was my first piano teacher?

Likely the most poignent story I could share, however, would be my opportunity to sit by her side when she went to meet Jesus. For anyone who has never witnessed this "transferrence" in a Christian's life, I must tell you that it is completely awe-inspiring. I could see her spirit respond as I sat singing old hymns she loved so much. And...perhaps most importantly...I watched her eyes connect with Jesus before her body finally gave up its fight. What an honor to be there.

In case I didn't say it enough, Grandma, I love you. Thank you for all you contributed to my life. Thank you for loving me and for providing for my momma. And perhaps most importantly, thank you for showing us a picture of what commitment to Christ looks like. You are at peace now...perhaps enjoying the company of my mom. I do miss you.

It's not like it used to be...

This afternoon I went to pick up Beth from work at the University. As I was meandering down the neighborhood streets surrounding the U, I noticed a student sitting out on his front porch studying. He had dragged a recliner chair out there, and appeared to be enjoying his afternoon study session in the fresh air. I had to chuckle to myself, remembering those days of long ago when I too was a student at that very same institution of higher learning (I use the term loosely, as I was far from studious in those days; but I did achieve a pretty remarkable social education).

Interestingly, as I considered this young man's freedom to randomly move his furniture to the porch to study, I suddenly had a sweeping sense of nostalgic sadness. I remember my freedom back then; the freedom to be completely random in my approach to life, the freedom to step completely outside the "box" of acceptable life behavior. As a matter of fact, I seem to remember exercising that freedom rather regularly. Hmmm...stay out all night with a friend and crawl back into the dorm through the laundry room window at 5:00 am...play all day and then attempt to study all night...the list could go on and on, if my 50+ brain wasn't failing me at this moment. I never did anything particularly horrible; it all would likely be considered normal activities of a college-age human. But I do remember the sense of freedom; the sense that I could do off-the-wall things without society's repercussions. Why has that changed? Why don't I feel that freedom any longer? Why does being a "grown-up" prevent me from continuing in my individuality?

I suspect that if I went outside right now, dragging my recliner chair behind me, and proceeded to "sit a spell" on the lawn with a good book, I would possibly be considered odd (at best) by my neighbors. Yet just blocks from here, some young man is likely getting high-fives for his ingenuity. Where's the equity in that?

I must consider this issue further. Possibly I may have to re-implement some past behaviors into my day-to-day life just to show the world that I've still got it in me...and that they are not the boss of me!

Consider yourself warned.

Rejoicing

OK, before anyone gets overly excited here, let me just give a bit of a disclaimer. This is for any of you who pay any attention at all to the fine print at the end of this post that proclaims the time of day. So...yes, I know it is very late (early?), and I should be in bed. Actually, I slept for a bit in my chair. This is a day when Eric gets up at 1:00 am to be to work by 2:00. So...what's the point of going to bed and disturbing his sleep, just to have him wake up at 1:00 and disturb MY sleep? It just seems easier to wait it out until he leaves. Hmmm...and now that he's gone, I'm still awake. Sigh. But on to my post...

Last night the phone rang. Beth answered the call. Turns out it was her sister, Abbie, on the phone. From a distance down the hall, all I could hear was the genuine sounds of true excitement. "No...you're kidding...WHEN???" Then finally, "you wanna talk to Mom?"

I took the phone in anticipation of what was sure to be a life-changing moment. "Mom? Guess what just happened??? She STOOD UP!!! Yes...all by herself! She pulled herself up and just STOOD there! All by herself!!"

My daughter was, of course, referring to my precious grandbaby, Olivia. Now, realizing that this is my granddaughter we're talking about, I am forcing myself to take an objective view here. But I am sure that there has NEVER been a 9-month-old child in the history of history who has EVER stood up by her/his self. I'm telling you, this child is brilliant. And...as soon as I have more current pics to share, I will have visual proof of this statement.

I was sitting here tonight thinking about that moment; reflecting on the sheer joy of our exuberance over the accomplishment of "our" baby. I'm remembering that the Bible talks about the rejoicing that happens in Heaven when someone decides to believe in and follow Christ. Yes...they rejoice. Sheesh...it's not like nobody else in creation has ever made that decision...but apparently it's a VERY big deal each time, over and over throughout history. Wow.

Then, carrying the thought a bit further, I am thinking about the spiritual steps I have taken, especially in the last few years. Small, stumbling steps at times, yet steps closer to Christ. Is it possible that He rejoices over each one of these faltering steps in much the same way we mere humans rejoice over our childrens' steps? What a concept!

I am reminded of another verse in the Bible:

"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:15)

Pure grace...

I've been tagged!

My friend, Sherry, has "tagged" me. I am, therefore, "it," and must complete the following:

Four jobs I've had...
1) Radio station receptionist / announcer.
2) Kindergarten teacher.
3) Custodian
4) Insurance biller for a doctor's office

Four movies I could watch over and over...
1) Young Frankenstein
2) The Sword in the Stone
3) The Pianist
4) Movies from the '50s or before

Four books I've read over and over...
(editorial note: I enjoy reading, but never seem to get books read...so this is my list of "liked" reads)
1) The Hidden Staircase (Nancy Drew)
2) Max Lucado books
3) Little Girl With Seven Names
4) The Kissing Hand
(did I mention I collect children's books?)

Four places I've lived...
1) Holtville, California
2) Spring Valley, California
3) Tillamook, Oregon
4) Newberg, Oregon

Four places I've vacationed...
1) Disneyland
2) Victoria/Vancouver BC
3) Richmond, Indiana
4) London, England (OK, so it was a college choir tour...)

Four TV shows I love...
1) Law and Order
2) Law and Order SVU
3) Law and Order Criminal Intent (are you seeing a pattern here?)
4) Trauma: Life In the ER

Four favorite dishes...
1) Tacos
2) Spaghetti Factory spaghetti with Mizithra cheese
3) "Icee" drinks
4) Homemade raspberry or strawberry jam

Four websites I visit (daily) often...
1) Blogspot.com
2) Ebay
3) Alibris (books)
4) my bank's website :)

Four places I'd rather be right now...
1) Camping with Eric
2) Southern California, to places I lived as a child
3) In a bigger house (but knowing I am blessed to have a house at all)...
4) Rocking my granddaughter to sleep.

Four things that make me warmly happy...
1) Rocking my granddaughter to sleep (is there an echo in here?)
2) Sitting by a campfire, smelling the smoke and listening to a river gurgling by.
3) Knowing that God is at work in me...
4) My family

Now...who gets tagged next? Here's the list - YOU'RE IT!
1) Kathy Watson (life101.blogspot.com)
2) Abbie Budd
3) Beth Rickey

Insignificance?

Here it is, Sunday afternoon, and here I am reflecting in front of the computer. The casserole is in the oven, and all is well on the home front. I might mention that the "wellness" of our home front was in great question yesterday morning when I found myself taking my precious husband, Eric, to the hospital.

Before going into detail, it is important to note that Eric is a man who, historically, does NOT obtain medical services willingly. I have nagged, begged, even stooped to snivvling to try to get him to get a physical...to no avail. One time I did manage to get him to check his blood pressure at one of those little pharmacy gizmos, but that's the extent of my success. Of course, remembering that we've been married not even two years yet I suppose that's not all bad.

Eric does remember a time, about 13-15 years ago, when he saw a doctor because of pneumonia. But since then, there's been a huge medical dry spell in his life.

Now...knowing that background information makes it even more meaningful when you consider that he actually asked me to transport him to the hospital yesterday.

The day started out just like most other Saturday mornings. He's an up-and-at-'em kind of guy, the first one up and showered ("daylight's burnin'" is a favorite quip of his)...and that morning was not out of the ordinary. He had showered and dressed and gone to the kitchen to fix breakfast. Bacon was on the griddle, and I'm sure his imagination was teasing him with thoughts of all he was going to accomplish in the garden that day.

Before I could even get in the shower (I had lazily been spending a bunch of time trimming my hair in front of the bathroom mirror), I thought I heard something a bit out of the ordinary, almost like a groan, coming from the other room - and to my amazement, this was followed by Eric's voice, calling me to come help him. Quite unlike him.

Out of the blue, without any warning, Eric had been stricken with pain of incredible intensity in his side. He had all the signs of something being very wrong; he was almost ready to pass out and was profusely perspiring. I immediately wanted to call an ambulance, but...in true Eric fashion, he said I should just drive him over there. It's a good thing we don't live very far away from the hospital...

Long story short (because I really do have a point to make here), after blood tests, a cat scan, and enough narcotics to drop a small army, we had the confirmation from the radiologist that he indeed was the proud "father" of a bouncing itty-bitty kidney stone. Thankfully, the scan also showed that the stone was almost to pass into the bladder, which would mean the end of the pain. After spending the better part of the day in the ER, we were sent home with more pain medication to ride it out, and with instructions to watch for this little culprit to appear in the outside world (with the intention of delivering it to the doctor's office for analysis). I am pleased to report that the remainder of the day was fairly unremarkable; Eric suffered only a couple more severe episodes.

Today all the pain was gone, and as predicted, we were finally able to actually view the "stone." Now, my idea of a stone is something you have in your driveway or maybe something you skip across the top of your favorite river. You can imagine our surprise as we studied this "thing" that turned out to be not much larger than the period at the end of this sentence. Why they refer to that as a "stone" I'll never know...but our minds couldn't help but wonder how anything that miniscule could cause that much pain.

As I consider this little episode in our lives, I can't help but realize the obvious spiritual parallel here. "How can anything that miniscule cause that much pain?" tumbles around in my mind, reminding me of a truth that our pastor talked about in church today. He was discussing a passage from John 15, where Jesus is talking about the necessity of abiding in the Vine and that He may do some divine "pruning" in our lives to get rid of characteristics or things that are not good for us or will prevent us from being fruitful. We considered ways to begin to separate ourselves from those things that tend to take obsessive priority (TV, food, money, etc), those things that would keep us from being focused more on Christ. How can we spend less time doing those things, even perhaps ministry, that keep us too drained to learn to know Christ better?

I believe that as we begin to explore that question in our lives, it is good to remember that there are those things that will sneak in on us almost imperceptibly. Things so "miniscule" that they may go unnoticed, yet if left to grow could cause immeasurable damage and pain.

Jesus, please help me to recognize those things in my life before they take over. And help me to begin to release, moment by moment, those things that cloud my vision of You in my life.