Change, change, change!

I admit I may be a bit quirky. There is a part of me that is extremely traditional and doesn't adjust well to change. However, there is this other part that is absolutely unable to deal with the "sameness" that life can become. This trait rears its ugly head in the more critical areas of life...such as which toothpaste I should purchase when the old one runs out. Now, if you ask my husband he will likely tell you that he has used the same toothpaste for the last 30 years. I mean, why change if you find something you like? This view does not work for me. I must have change, something new and different...maybe even refreshingly so. Toothpaste and shampoo are only two examples of how this desire impacts my day-to-day life. However, I should add here that there are some things that must NOT be changed. Shortening, for example...it has to be Crisco...the other brands just don't work the same (wow...do you think Crisco will read this and send me a free can???).

So...after all of this inane drivvel...perhaps you will gain a better understanding as to why I have opted to change my blog format after all these months. I really loved the old format; it was me. I'm even a bit sad to see it go. But...change is necessary here, and I feel somehow renewed by this bold move. Please share my joy.

Now I feel bad...

OK...just so you don't think Christmas was a total loss or anything (like my previous post may have led you to believe), let me assure you that there were many beautiful moments...(I can't believe we forgot our cameras when we had Christmas with Eric's kids...sheesh...)

On to 2008...

I don't know what's wrong me. I mean, I'm not sure I'm like everyone else. Just as SOON as Christmas is over, I have this deep inner need to have it GONE...all gone...all put away...no reminders.

Now, don't get me wrong...I really enjoy the Christmas season. I do tend to get a bit more stressed than I should, I admit...but still I enjoy it. This year, however, I just couldn't get in the swing of things. It wasn't until the week before Christmas that we finally got our Christmas tree and got out the Christmas decorations (which were much less than in past years). So...if you can see where this is going...today I took it all down. Good grief, it was only up for a week; you'd think I could stand to have it around for awhile. But NO...it has to go...all of it...now. Actually, the very day after Christmas I had my red nail polish off, replaced by a nice neutral tone.

So I'm feeling a bit better now. My sweet hubby got me a laptop for Christmas, so I'm sitting here in my recliner in the living room writing this, watching a Bowl game, and NOT looking at a nativity scene or little elves staring back at me. Life is good...

And God smiled...

So did anyone else in this part of the world notice? Yesterday was Christmas (no, that's not what I was referring to), and when I stumbled out of bed fairly early in the morning, this is what greeted my eyes as I peered out my window...and somehow, deep in my spirit, I knew God was joyfully announcing to the world that this day was his Son's birthday. Thank you, God...I was blessed...

Time flies...

My very first baby...

turned a quarter-century old today!

Happy birthday, Sweetheart. I love you way behind my back...

Profound thoughts at 7:00 a.m.

OK...so...I can't sleep...once again...

It seems like I've been awake for a very long time, so rather than lay there and ruminate over things that will seem much less important later in the day, I decide to get up and rummage through blog-land to catch up on some posts.

I have read much this morning...about joy, about questioning, about grief, and about more grief. I am left with some thoughts that have been tumbling around in my very little brain for some time now, but that have not been spoken. Very simply (because that's all I can muster right now)...

I love this world. I love the beauty, the friendships, my family, nature...most of the time, I really love being here. And God created all of this goodness for our pleasure, for which I am eternally thankful. But...

Another part of this world is just a crummy place sometimes. Believing in Christ and in his infinite goodness and love for us doesn't set us apart from experiencing it. Very wonderful Christians experience very deep pain. I have read this morning about friends experiencing incredible grief, deep fear, confusion. A friend with cancer, a friend losing a baby, a friend doing the hard work of deciding for faith instead of tossing it all in. That's where we are; that's this world. Jesus knows all of that. He knows what an imperfect place this is. He never said we would be immune from it. Sometimes things go the way we want, sometimes not. This would challenge the best theologian to question, to wonder, to try again to believe.

This world is infused with Satan and his plans. They are not good plans, and will end in destruction of everything and everyone here. Cheery thought, eh?

BUT...the rest of the truth is that as Christians our place here is only temporary. As wonderful as this life can be at times, there is something better ahead.

Jesus came to this world as a baby, ultimately, to rescue us! To give us a way out; to take us away to a place of perfection and limitless joy. Because He loves us.

The rest of the story? As an adult, Jesus allowed himself to be killed to "pay the price" for our imperfections, to "rescue" us from this happy/scary/miserable place. He has offered us a better place if we believe in Him and hang on...even through the hard times. He will take us away from here and won't allow us to be destroyed in Satan's final schemes.

There really is a place called Heaven, and we really can go there. Too good to be true? Almost...and even as I write these words I struggle with my doubt-nature.

Jesus loves us...ALL of us. He loves Mother Teresa, President Bush, Osama Bin Laden, Billy Graham...and US. And we all have the chance to be rescued if we believe in Him and His plan.

There is a much better way to say all of this theologically, but, as I stated earlier my brain just isn't up to it (plus I have to get ready for work). But...as I have written this the words to a very old (from my youth) song keep rumbling around...

This world is not my home, I'm just passing through
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue
The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.

O Lord you know I have no friend like you
If Heaven's not my home, then Lord what will I do?
The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door
And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.

What is faith?

A bit of a population explosion...

OK...so here's my story...


Long, long ago my parents had two girls...just my sis and me...that's all there is...just us...


Then, somewhere along the way, my sister had two girls...and then I had two girls. That's it...just two girls...for each of us...


Then a couple of years back my oldest daughter delighted the family with the first of a next generation...a GIRL...


Yes...it's true...my family just does girls.


But wait...no...Houston, we have a problem...a few months after the arrival of my little Olivia, one of my sister's daughters presented the family with a new member. But there was something seriously wrong here...something was just not right..."it" was a BOY. A BOY??? What are we going to do with a BOY??? So many new things to learn...like using extreme care when changing the diapers...you just don't have to worry about those things with a girl. Sigh...


However, in spite of all these "obstacles," something very strange happened. Little Noah immediately captured our hearts. His bright smile and red hair has managed to endear him to all of us. Imagine that...


Christmas became a much happier gathering time...the two families plus these two little cherubs...


OK...I guess boys aren't that bad after all...


But...then...without warning...my other daughter - and my sister's other daughter - and my sister's daughter (mommy of Noah) decided to all get pregnant at the same time...and BOOM...suddenly our family has become a small continent all of its own. We have two more boys and another girl...all born within 5 months.


It appears that gender really doesn't matter at all...and that Christmas definitely will never be the same...

TAGGED!

I've been tagged by Kathy (she seems to think I have been blog-silent too long) so here are 8 random things about me but first...1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts. 2. Each player starts with eight random facts/stories about themselves. 3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. 4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. 5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

OK...here goes...

1) I used to live in a real, live (or dead) desert. It's true...my Daddy was the pastor of a very small Friends church in Holtville, California. It's down by the Mexico border in the Imperial Valley. I was in preschool at the time, but I remember how hot it was...and I remember finding a dead rattlesnake in the dirt road next to our house one day.

2) My older sister fed me mud one time. Back in the day...when we were living in the afore-mentioned desert...my Momma used to buy boxes of ice cream bars and popcicles so we wouldn't perish from the heat. Back behind our little parsonage, one day my sister found a discarded box that ice cream "Drumsticks" had come in. There was the bottom portion of the cone plus a few scattered chopped nuts in the bottom of the box. I'm sure she thought she was extremely clever when she filled the cone tip with mud and sprinkled the remainder of the nuts on top and then proceeded to pretend to take a big bite. "Try it...it's REALLY good..." were the words that led to my demise.

3) Regarding spiders and snakes...I absolutely detest spiders. I mean, they are one thing that can make me jump around shrieking and acting really girly. However, snakes are another story. I don't mind them at all...and I owe it all to my Uncle Glen, who used to work at OMSI and actually was the guy who created many of the cool "push the button" exhibits back in the day. Anyway, as a little kid I can remember going to work with him and carrying a snake around. Uncle Glen was also my cool uncle who had a huge snake living in his house...

4) When I was in college the choir I was a part of went on a tour in Europe. Now, that would be a cool enough fact in itself...we traveled to England, France, Germany...all in 16 days...but there is a specific story that stands out as a "unique" fact about me. One day, while sightseeing in London, I was suddenly taken ill. I'm talking VERY ill...so ill that I couldn't keep walking. I found a couple of steps outside of a shop and sat down in an attempt to compose myself enough to do something constructive about my dilemma. Next thing I knew, a "Bobbie" (London cop) came sauntering over to me and in his best British accent asked me, "are you drunk???" Come to find out, I was sitting on the steps leading up to a pub. Now...I could continue the story and tell you about how I finally went into the pub and inquired as to where the bathroom was...and how I went up a flight of steps and found a bathroom...but the story is so incredibly disgusting I will end my tale here.

5) Many people who know me now probably don't know that I graduated from college with a degree in Music Education. Have I ever taught music professionally? No...but the college degree does look incredibly impressive on my resume'.

6) I am absolutely fanatical about garage sales and thrift shops. When the spring/summer seasons arrive, I delight myself in busy Saturday mornings driving all over town in an attempt to find the perfect "treasure." It's not like I need anything else in my humble abode (ask my hubby; he'll tell you), but I have found some pretty amazing things over the years.

7) My latest adventure is my attempt to add a bit of additional income to our household. I am an official Avon representative. Um...I must be careful that my "additional income" doesn't get eaten up in Avon products...sigh...(by the way, let me know if you want to see a book!).

8) I LOVE to color. Yes, you heard me right. And...I must proudly admit that I have raised two beautiful, wonderful daughters who also share my love. We find those "grown-up" coloring books at stores; you know, the ones with intricate geometric designs or pictures. I believe at times it is a form of therapy...just relax and let the colorful creative juices flow...

OK...that's it. End of story. Watch out...I just might tag YOU...

Processing today's sermon...

Steve preached today, and it was thought-provoking for me. We talked about money - the love of it, the desire for more of it, the misconceptions surrounding the possession of it. And we talked about contentment.

We viewed a clip from the musical classic Fiddler On the Roof - you know, the place where Tevye is bemoaning the fact that God apparently chose to not bless him with an abundance of wealth (which, in true musical style, follows by him launching into a production of "If I Were a Rich Man").

What a delightful clip...yet how true of all of us.

During our quiet time during worship, I pondered this topic internally. My faith would tell me that I was having a dialogue with God. My faith tells me that He planted thoughts in my mind.

The desire for money isn't just wanting something new or bigger or better, though that definitely is a huge issue in our society that Steve spoke to very well. There is more than enough fodder here for an entire sermon on how to be content with what you have.

However, there is another side to financial desire that Steve spoke of that I likely identify with more acutely. I can remember so many times in my married years feeling like I wasn't going to make it financially. I so fervantly wished that I had more money...so I could pay my rent, so I could be current with the electric company, or even simply that I could purchase the rare treat of a big loaf of cheddar cheese for my family to enjoy. What does it mean to be content when you don't have enough to make it to the end of the month?

As I thought about this, I began to realize that there is more to contentment than simply being satisfied with what you have. True contentment goes much deeper than that, and its branches intertwine into virtually every area of our lives. In this sense, contentment doesn't mean that you have everything you need physically. For the Christian, true contentment means finding all we need in Christ, and leaving everything else in His hands.

Six words burned themselves into my mind as I sat in my pew...and I believe these words speak truth to every condition we find ourselves in, whether feast or famine, health or illness, happiness or despair...

KEEP...YOUR...EYES...FOCUSED...ON...JESUS.

I'm not sure why or how these words came to me, but I couldn't shake them. This is truth. As I keep the eyes of my spirit looking into the eyes of Christ, He will bring contentment to my soul. Real contentment. Lasting contentment. The kind of contentment that brings with it joy and peace.

I don't pretend to have mastered this area of my life...but I do believe in the truth of those words...and I know that as I follow their instruction I will be content.

As difficult as it has been to face hardship during my life, though, it is possibly rougher to witness my daughters go through the same types of struggles with their families, at times wondering how they are ever going to find the money to pay the next bill. This is painful for a Momma to watch, and even more painful when I can't always help.

So...these words that came to my mind I imagined myself speaking into the faces of my girls..."Keep your eyes focused on Jesus...keep your eyes focused on Jesus...keep your eyes focused on Jesus..."

Yet another moment of letting them go, of loosening my grip on my children, of allowing Christ to meet them where they are and bring them wholeness and peace.

May it be so.

Christmas comes to Nana-ville...

Christmas has come and gone once again...just like many other Christmases before it...but this Christmas will hold a special place in my memory bank. Rather early in the Advent Season, my heart became impressed with a desire to give more. Not to give more stuff, but to re-define the whole concept of giving in my mind.

Christmas frugality has never been a strong suit of mine. I come by it naturally; my momma was a great one for providing great heaps of gifts under our tree when I was but a pup. For much of my youngest childhood, my father was pastoring small churches...so I know my mother must have put them in horrible debt in December. Now, don't get me wrong...I have wonderful memories of those Christmases on the living room floor, surrounded by the mounds of Yuletide joy, and I am truly grateful for it. However, as an adult I found myself in the same holiday "bondage" with my own young children. And somehow much of the joy had gone out of Christmas for me in the meantime. Enough about that...you get the idea.

This Christmas, though, was different. Through messages given at church and other avenues, I believe Christ began to help me see the Christmas season through His eyes. I began to see the needs and poverty in the world around me in a new light. And I began to get a bit more creative with my giving patterns. I challenged myself to find ways to be more frugal in my gifts for my family in order to free up more financial resources to contribute to areas of need.

Some things I discovered helpful this year -

• I began knitting and baking furiously - more handmade gifts
  
• I took an ornament off of the Giving Tree at our church, and found a huge amount of joy in purchasing clothes and girly stuff for a little 6-year-old girl in our community
  
• I purchased bracelets made with beads from Thailand for all five of our girls and girls-in-law; all of the profits from the sales went to support an organization that is helping to address the problems of the childhood sex trade industry in Thailand.

I wasn't perfect this year, and I'm sure I can challenge myself to spend even less next year. But I do know one thing for sure. Christmas joy came to my heart in a whole new way; the joy of giving...not just giving gifts, but truly giving. Not just to family and friends, but to just a few of the multitudes of aching hearts that surround us all year.

And God saw it, and it was very good...

Thankful...

Today we had an awesome church service. Due to the size of our congregation, we normally have three church services on Sunday morning. This morning, however, was different. We had one big combined service in the auditorium of our local university.

Much of the service was devoted to instilling in us a true sense of thankfulness, and great care was taken to design the service to facilitate that in many ways. The music and sermon were inspiring, and opportunity was even given for attendees to be involved individually, if they chose, in artwork, thank-you cards and verbal expressions of thanks to others, among other things.

While all of that truly was thrilling for me to experience, I must say that what may have been the highlight of the entire service for me likely went unnoticed by others.

At some point early in the service, one of our pastors invited the congregation to take a few minutes to use their imaginations (what a concept). We were to close our eyes and imagine ourselves meeting with Christ at a local coffee/book shop and sharing a time of conversation with Him over a warm beverage. We were asked to imagine ourselves asking Christ, "Lord, what are you thankful for?" and then to imagine what His answer might be.

Literally almost before the pastor got the question out of his mouth, the answer came crashing into my mind's eye. It came with such clarity that it was almost as if my conscious self wasn't as aware of it as was my spirit. It brought tears to my eyes, which doesn't happen often these days. It was a very clear, very simple answer.

"Lord, what are you thankful for?" I asked, my eyes searching His. He looked deeply into me and without hesitation He responded with His one-word answer.

His answer?

"You."

Hospitality

Church was good last Sunday. I mean, it was one of those times when I had a personal little "a-ha" moment.

The topic was hospitality. Not my best trait. The word "hospitality" brings to mind visions of a table with freshly cut flowers on it, little china plates, a hostess in a crisp, floral apron, sporting a face that has fresh make-up on it (not too much and not too little...) and every hair in place; a real live Martha Stewart, if you will. Perhaps one of the most vivid images is that of the aforementioned hostess with a lipsticked smile and eyes so warm with personality that it would make the Sahara seem like the North Pole in comparison. And don't worry about what time of day you show up on her doorstep; it could be 3:00 am and she'd have a fresh batch of poppy seed muffins coming out of the oven, coincidentally at the very moment you arrived. You don't need to call ahead. Her house is already neat as a pin (no, really...and CLEAN, too)...

No...I'm sure of it...hospitality just isn't my gift. I don't have to think very long at all, and I can dredge up memories of panic-stricken moments upon realizing my in-laws were on their way over...and my desperate attempts to make my humble abode presentable enough for entertaining company. I'm sure if you asked my daughters they would tell you how much fun those 2-minute "taking the house by storm" cleanings were with their mother suddenly losing touch with reality...and how damaged they are as a result of it...

Ok...so anyway...we were talking about the "H" word on Sunday. And BAM...all of a sudden, he started to change my thinking patterns. Just WHO does he think he is, that pastor of mine, thinking he can just walk in and change a lifetime of thought patterns in 30 minutes???

I guess I may have mis-labeled "hospitality" all these years. My definition of hospitality, as described above, is actually entertaining, not hospitality at all. Yes...entertaining...that's more like Martha Stewart...and while there are people in this world who definitely have some sort of a gift for entertaining (bless them), everyone is expected to be hospitable, gift or no gift.

Well then, what is Christ inviting us to when he instructs us to practice hospitality??

After all the sermon-dust had settled, we came up with a pretty good definition of hospitality. Basically, hospitality is making room in my life for someone else. This could have all kinds of implications in my life, among which might be uncluttering my schedule enough to have room for others. This concept also makes it clear that "hospitality" is not simply entertaining. While it is true that hospitality could involve a nice dinner prepared to share, there are also many other ways I can think of to practice "hospitality" in my life. What are some ways I can be hospitable...or make room in my life for others? I could -

• intentionally sit by someone in church who I don't know or who may appear lonely
• actually stop on the sidewalk when I see someone I know...and sincerely inquire as to how their day is going
• take a hot meal to that family with a new baby
• listen when someone needs to talk...even if I had something else planned for that period of time

You get the idea...

Wow...that concept is truly transforming for me. You mean my house doesn't have to look perfect if I invite someone over for soup and biscuits?

The really cool thing here is that all of the above newly acquired knowledge wasn't even the best part. My mind was preparing to take me somewhere even better.

Sitting in my pew, I began to reflect on a little book that I've been familiar with for years, entitled, "My Heart, Christ's Home." In this little book, my heart is compared to an actual dwelling with many different rooms...and what Christ sees has he wanders in and out of each room. Suddenly it hit me...my heart, Christ's home - hospitality...

Yes, I have invited Christ into my "home" (my heart) to live...but how hospitable and welcoming am I? Do I always truly want Him there, or are there other things taking up the "space" of my life that keep Him out on the fringes?

I believe that hospitality, as it has been described above, is possible - both toward other people around me and toward Christ. And...the beautiful thing about this is that as I am more and more hospitable with Christ, allowing Him more and more "space" in my life, I believe I will naturally become more and more genuinely hospitable with people around me.

May it be so...

Taste and see...

"Taste and see that the Lord is good;

blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!"

(Psalm 34:8)

Take me away...

She was grumpy. There was no getting around it.

On Sunday afternoon I went to visit my oldest daughter. After being there for a few minutes, it became increasingly evident that something was wrong. It was a warm day, and the little apartment where she lives with her husband and baby was hot. The fans were blowing, with little relief. On top of that, the prior week had been an exceptionally draining week for her, with many unusual activities and interactions that managed to sap her emotions. She was tired...she was hot...and yes, she was just a tad grumpy.

Suddenly it came to me. Before I knew it, I found myself announcing to her husband that we were leaving for a bit (leaving him to watch the baby). It was a rather bold move on my part, but while I felt a bit guilty for leaving him to fend for himself I knew it had to be done. Her husband, as always, was wonderful and graciously accepted his role in this venture.

Thus we found ourselves wandering the aisles of nearby air-conditioned department stores with no particular goal in mind. We even made our way to the pet store in the mall - one of our favorite things to do - and spent considerable time acting like idiots in front of the glass windows that separated us from the puppies, kittens, gerbils, lizards, etc etc etc...(by the way, who in their right mind would PAY $115 for a kitten when millions of people are giving them away???). We found a rack in Old Navy on which hung adorable outfits in my granddaughter's size for only $1.98. HOW FUN IS THAT?????

So on it went, finding bargains, slurping Icees at Target, and simply enjoying each other's company. Before we knew it, we had been gone for almost 3 hours.

Back we trekked to the apartment, and found much joy in unpacking all our treasures to share with Daddy and Baby. But it wasn't until we had been back for a few minutes that I realized the magnitude of what had happened. My daughter was a different person. She was relaxed, happy, and ready to face another week of stay-at-home-mommying. What had happened? She was rescued. She was taken away for a time of refreshing and renewal, a time when she didn't have to think about responsibilities, wet diapers, or a stuffy apartment. Her spirit was re-energized. And her momma was filled with joy at what had happened.

Isn't this what Christ longs to do for us? I imagine He spends a lot of time waiting. Waiting for us to slow down. Waiting for us to allow Him to "take us away" to a place that will truly refresh our spirits. As I have reflected on this miracle with my daughter, this is where my thoughts have gone.

I have a Heavenly Father who loves me infinitely more than I can imagine. He knows my fatigue, my agonizing thoughts, my work schedule, my worries. And He wants to make it better. He wants to visit me in moments of quiet, to speak soothing words to my harried spirit and help me re-focus my heart. I want to be responsive to His voice calling to "take me away."

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul."

(Psalm 23:1-3 NIV)

Micah

As a friend of mine states weekly in his blog, "It is Sunday, and the faithful have gathered to worship."

At our church we've been discussing the book of Micah over the past few weeks, culminating in a dramatic portrayal of the entire book taking the place of the sermon today. Old testament scholar I'm not...actually, I'm not much of a scholarly type person, period. So...a lot of stuff goes flying over my head and through my head via my quite spacious ear canals.

However, I've caught enough to know that in the book of Micah this prophet is trying to get through to some people that God is NOT very well pleased with them. Actually, Micah is fairly accomplished at getting his point across. And...God uses some pretty strong language too...things like, "In raging anger, I'll make a clean sweep of godless nations who haven't listened," and "I have some plans of my own: Disaster because of this interbreeding evil! Your necks are on the line. You're not walking away from this. It's doomsday for you."

Oh my... (picture me, standing in the worshp service, suddenly grabbing at my throat and circling to the floor in a heap of despair).

As I am continuing on my journey of truly discovering who God is and finally realizing that part of this Truth is the truth of mercy and grace (which has been a relatively new concept in my life), the "Micah" images of God are a bit disturbing, to say the least.

But all is not lost. There is more to this complex God than just these images. And...as Pastor Gregg reminded us this morning, God is much bigger than we are able to assimilate. He is more complex than our human minds can comprehend. So...we continue our journey through Micah, and we find that God indeed is gracious and loving and willing to restore these wayward people as they turn back to Him.

As I grapple with these disturbing images, I must grasp tightly to the things I do know...

• God loves me...more than I could ever possibly imagine
• God hates sin.
• God made a way for me to be completely "clean" before him when I accept the fact that He took the punishment for my sins and by trusting my life to Him and seeking to follow Him.
• God doesn't like it when we ignore those who are needy and oppressed.
• As I trust in God, I will exhibit the qualities of kindness, compassion, justice, and humility, as He breathes His life through me.

What does the Lord require of me? 1) to act justly; 2) to love mercy; and 3) to walk humbly with my God. (Micah 6:8).

Oh God, may this be true in my life. May I turn my face always to you and your truth, becoming more and more like you and less and less like the world. I want to be more willing to give up pieces of the world that take the place of you in my life. You are a just God...and you are a merciful God. Thank you for being my loving Father....even when I am a rambunctious child.

By the way, at the end of our service today there was a time of prayer in which Gregg encouraged us to speak out loud the God-characteristics we are thankful for. Many people spoke..."grace"..."mercy"..."love"..."forgiveness"...but then at the end, my dear sister Julie's voice rang out from the back of the sanctuary..."IN CHRIST THERE IS NO CONDEMNATION." Thank you, Julie.

New life...

At the risk of boring any of you, I must revisit a topic that continues to pique my interest these days. I seem to continually be drawn to those things that remind me of new life, of surviving the odds, of resurrection, if you will. Perhaps it is because that topic is so fresh in my memory in my own history. But for whatever reason, I am both fascinated and emotionalized (I just created that new word just for this occasion) at the same time.

Last Saturday was our wedding anniversary. Yes, it's been 2 years. To celebrate this milestone in our lives, Eric and I decided to take a little day trip. Neither of us had ever visited the visitor centers approaching Mount St. Helens in Washington; we both wish we had taken advantage of seeing this wonder closer to the time of its historic eruption in 1980. But we were kids then (ok, maybe we were young adults)...and we just didn't make the effort back then.

The day was beautiful. Disappointingly, the clouds hovered over the top of the mountain all day, literally clouding the view of the top of the cone. However, the flip-side good news was that the overcast day created a spectacle of color and beauty in God's creation. The greens were really green; the flowers were intense in their hues...
















...and it was so wonderful to just wander and drive and take pics. Of course, the most meaningful moments for me were any of the encounters with wildlife...















As you get closer to the mountain, though, you eventually pass into the "blast zone." This is the area that was most affected by this horrific act of nature.

This brings me to the crux of my story...

The destruction and horror surrounding the events of May 18, 1980, are almost unspeakable. Many lives were lost, and the landscape surrounding the mountain was obliterated. Even today, you can see the deep gouges and cracks in the earth resulting from the flow from the mountain's crater.
















In the midst of all the death and loss, one might think that replanting might have been an immediate goal...let's get that forest back to the way it was, as soon as we can...but it was interesting to me that the US Forest Service has chosen to let nature take its course in much of the area; to watch how the landscape recovers from this ordeal.

Some plants with strong, hardy root systems were able to push up through the ground again. Those animals and fish that live underground or underwater were likewise survivors. They all experienced the trauma, but somehow new life came to be.

Along the road, on our way up to the mountain, my eye was caught by a tree. New life again flashed across my mind-journal...
















Saturday was a day of quiet reflectiveness for me. And as I witnessed the renewal and new growth around me, I was again aware of the firestorm in my life a few years back. I was there, in the midst of it...and in many ways I experienced near-death. But God offers newness, survival, resurrection, mercy, growth, healing...new life...

Perhaps a display at one of the visitor's centers said it best...

It's genetics...

Like Gramma like granddaughter...sigh...

A different sort of Mother's Day...

It's going to be a bit different this year. There is something new. My oldest "baby" is a momma this year, and it gives a whole new element of meaning to Mother's Day. What joy it brings to watch her grow into her new role in life, to observe her deep love for her daughter, to simply enjoy the fact that she is a mom. And as a mom myself, it has brought such amazing joy to be in new roles. Initially there was the overwhelmingly wonderful (and traumatic) experience of having a part in helping Abbie bring this new little life into the world. Living that moment with her is something that will always be treasured in the deepest parts of my heart. And now...now to be privileged to occasionally get to play the role of "mentor mom" as I help Abbie figure out this new and challenging responsibility. And, of course, it goes without saying that I also get the icing on the cake...that of being the gramma. Who would have thought that this much love would have been left to give after I "gave it all" to my girls. Ah yes...it just keeps getting better, this "mom" thing...

Today I bought a small potted flowering plant. It was only 99 cents, but pretty adorable. Earlier this evening I tended to my little magenta treasure, adding water and pulling some sparkling foil up around the pot. Some white organza ribbon tied in a bow completed my little arrangement. I picked up the little beauty, and Eric and I took a walk. Our destination was a nearby cemetery. There, under the spreading Spring branches of a big tree, was my momma. I brushed the stray fir needles off the stone, and carefully placed the gift into the little plant reservoir. I stood back and admired the sight for a minute, then we turned and began the trek back home, hand-in-hand. Before we got out of sight, however, I had to turn for one last look. The foil sparkled in the sunlight. I knew Mom would love it.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom...I miss you...and I love you.

A weekend of good-byes...

What a weekend.

Most of this two-day "rest" from work has been spent moving my last little "chick" from my nest into her very own first apartment. Her little place is charming; it is a little 1-bedroom in what is touted to be the oldest apartment building in our little town (but recently completely renovated, much to this momma's approval). Amid all the work of loading and unloading, it has been so fun to watch her joy as she has been settling in. I think I see a new level of maturity that comes with responsible "ownership." And...I feel secure. Her building is very safe, with many security features in place. So...sigh...I suppose I must release my grip - once again - and trust that Christ has her life well in hand.

I must admit, I have a whole new appreciation for all the thousands of times my papa has helped me and my family move from one place to another (in case I haven't said it enough, Dad, thank you). Of course, along with that appreciation comes the harsh reality that this likely won't be the last time I will help one of my kids move. I signed on for the full deal when I had children. So...we'll just keep the Icy Hot linament close by...

Now I have said goodbye to my baby, at least from under my roof. Then...just a little bit ago, I got the phone call I had been expecting for a couple of weeks. My sister in Christ, Audrey, finally went to see Jesus in person earlier this evening. I have tried to assimilate that into my thinking, but it just won't quite fall into place. I do know that Audrey is overjoyed and that she is experiencing a kind of love now that would never be possible here in this world. But...it does leave the rest of us behind, awaiting our turn to join her there.

I'm so glad I saw Audrey recently. I'm so glad I told her the things I did. I'm so glad she was (is) my friend and sister...

Goodbye, Audrey, for now...I know you are in good hands.

Goodbye, Bethie...I know you are in the very best of hands too...